- Lynn Lavner
"Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?""
- Jon Stewart
"Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children."
- Sam Austin
"If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you would pretty much be left with "Let's Make a Deal"
- Fran Lebowitz
"Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list."
- Yakov Smirnoff
"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."
- Charles Pierce