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Before | After

That weekend

That's a weekend that I don't want to ever repeat. The wedding was great, but there were other problems. I'll just start at the start, and work my way through, filling in the back-story as I go.

I left home at about 1:15, got to the resort at exactly 3:00, which includes about half an hour for lunch. To get there you head north on the Bruce Highway, take the Glass House Mountains exit to Landsborough, then to Maleny, and the resort is a few kilometers the other side of Melany.

Originally I was meant to be sharing with Will, Kevin and Byron. However, when these things were sorted out, Tom and Kelly were a couple in their usual on again/off again relationship. Since then they broke up (again) so they weren't going to be sharing a room, so Tom was moved in with Will, Byron and Kevin, and I, being the easiest to deal with, was moved into another cabin with some of Daniel's Paintball friends.

This didn't worry me, as it meant that I got a nice quiet cabin, and the party was happening in someone else's cabin (which also meant the cleaning up afterwards was happening in someone else's cabin).

I checked in, paid my money ($65 for the night, including breakfast) went over to cabin 5 and met Fuzzy, George, Alex and Lisa. We all then got changed, and headed back to the main area for the ceremony a little bit before 4.

Now a little back-story. Daniel and Tanya have been going out for a while, and about two years ago they decided they both wanted to move to the UK for a while. Their parents did not let them buy one-way tickets, so they both bought return tickets. This meant that they either had to return in about 12 months (return tickets are valid for 12 months) or waste their money.

Just before they left in September 2000, they had a fare-well party, which is where I first met Will and Tom.

They came back in September 2001, bought new return tickets, and had a welcome-home/fare-well party. This is when I ran into Tom and Will for the second time, which lead to me going to the poker game, etc... Also while they were back, Daniel proposed (Friday September 21, 2001 to be exact), and they decided that the wedding would be exactly one year later on Saturday September 21, 2002, while they were back in Australia the next time.

They then went back to the UK. However, while Daniel was sponsored over there, giving him a five year work visa, Tanya wasn't sponsored, meaning she only had a two year visa. For them to both remain in the UK together they would have to get married before they returned to Australia. So as result, they did, in a registry office.

Tanya then had to return to Australia to sort out the paperwork, etc, then she went back to the UK again. Once all this had finally been sorted, Daniel and Tanya then decided that they didn't want to live in the UK, and moved back to Australia permanently in early August!

As a result it wasn't a real wedding, just a hand-fasting ceremony. The ceremony was held on the lawn on a point looking over the valley. The ceremony started only about five minutes after four, and was completed before 4:30. Then there was much gossiping, photography and silliness, until the sun went down.

The bride wore a beautiful, white, flowing Celtic-style dress, and the groom wore a kilt, with tartan of his Irish heritage on his fathers side.

At the reception, Kevin, Will, Byron, Blair, Lisa, Adam, Tom and I were seated together at a table one down from the bridal table. As a result I was completely surrounded by friends, and much silliness and drinking (none by me) ensued. The only speech was the Bride's father letting everyone know that this was the 85th wedding anniversary of his grand-parents, had they been still alive, just before the bride and groom cut the cake.

I made one mistake. When it came time to dessert, I had too much. This may not sound like much, but in this case it was a bad thing.

A bit more back-story. I have two known psychological problems. I am a border-line manic-depressive, and I have multiple-personality-disorder. Both of them are minor enough that with will-power and inner-control I they do not effect me.

If I find my moods swinging excessively, or I find my personality changing I can negate them relatively easily with a bit of inner control. The only problem is that with that level of inner-control, I tend to be a bit of a control-freak.

I was surrounded by friends that I feel extremely comfortable with, which made me relax a fair bit. Add to that, an overdose of sugar making me hyperactive, which relaxed me even further...

I have two personalities that I have named. The primary one is Loon. Loon is an evil, crafty, prankster with a great sense of humour. Loon and I get along well. I occasionally let him out to play, and in return he behaves himself, mostly.

The second named personality is Ten Foot. If I feel Ten Foot making an appearance my immediate reaction is to lock myself in my room and not reappear until he's gone. Ten Foot is short for "ten foot tall and bullet-proof", when that personality is in charge I feel like I am immortal and invincible, and that is dangerous!

I do get some other personalities, but none of them have made enough of an impression on me to name.

One simple rule of mine is that I do not drive, when someone else is in charge. I don't trust them.

Being that relaxed, and hyperactive, Loon came out. I wasn't too upset with this, as I trust Loon.

A group of us, mostly the poker group, left the reception, and made our way to cabin 9 for the after reception party. Loon was completely in control at this point, so there was a lot of silliness, including the obligatory discussions on religion and sex.

Somewhere through this, Kelly, who was supposed to be sleeping in Cabin 8 (which she was originally going to be sharing with Tom, until their latest break-up) ended up falling asleep, and was put to bed in Tom's bed.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love Kelly dearly. It's just that she fallen in love with Tom. Tom has all the morals of a rock. As far as I can see Tom does love Kelly, but being a very blokey bloke, he doesn't really care, and causes Kelly a world of heartache. I think that eventually he'll work it out, assuming that he doesn't kill himself with crazy driving, but until then Kelly is not going to be happy.

The party continued.

At about 11:30 or so, the reception folded up completely, and all the people who wanted to continue partying moved on to Cabin 9. This is where my troubles began.

Up until that point all the people there were friends, people I know and trust. Then all these strangers (to me, at any rate) started turning up. I tried to get back in control, but had no luck. Loon left, to be replaced with something that scared me. The new personality was evil, vindictive and very cruel. I stayed at the party for a while longer, but as more and more people I didn't know turned up, this thing inside me got worse and worse. By 1:00am I was so fucked up I didn't trust myself to not do anything that wouldn't hurt my friends, so I baled. Adam was leaving at this point (he wasn't staying over night, so was headed back to Brisbane) so I got him to give me a lift back to cabin 5 (it was pissing down rain by this stage), and I went to bed.

I did not sleep. Sleep was not possible for three reasons. Firstly, it was a strange bed, and a hotel bed at that. Secondly it was humid because of the rain, so it wasn't that comfortable anyway. Thirdly, I was struggling to regain control of myself.

I got up about twenty past eight in the morning, had a shower, packed, and drove back up to the main area of the resort for breakfast. Breakfast was from 9 till 9:30, and by this stage I was mostly in control of myself. Not fully, but mostly.

After breakfast, Cabin 9 still had to go back to there cabin and clean up (ha ha!) including putting all the furniture that they had put on the balcony back inside.

I left the resort at 10:20, and pulled into my driveway at home at exactly mid-day, which included two stops, one at the lookout between Maleny and Landsborough, and the second at a supermarket to pick up milk.

When I got home I was fucked.

I just pottered around the house, doing some washing, watering the lawn, that sort of thing, trying to get a grip on myself.

If anyone had turned up at my place yesterday, I would have asked them to leave straight away.

I eventually went to bed, and woke up this morning back in full control of myself. One problem however. At the wedding I had forgotten to take one of my anti-inflammatory tablets. Because I was so spaced out, I had also forgotten Sunday night. As a result I woke up this morning in agony.

This weekend was the worst psychosis attack I have ever had. Hopefully never again.

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Desert Rose

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire
And in the flames
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire

This desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

And as she turns
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams
This fire burns
I realize that nothing's as it seems

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of rain
I lift my gaze to empty skies above
I close my eyes
This rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of her love

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Sweet desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

Sweet desert rose
This memory of Eden haunts us all
This desert flower
This rare perfume, is the sweet intoxication of the fall

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