Events over the weekend got me thinking about dating.
I have been on one date in my entire life, and I would not count it as being anything remotely resembling successful.
I was thinking over it, and I realised why I have so much trouble talking to people I don't know. I don't have anything to talk about. While as a geek I tend to know a bit of everything, the only things I can really talk about in any form of depth is work and roleplaying. They are really the only things I have any real familiarity with.
I don't follow any sports, I don't care about celebrities, I read the news but don't look at it in much depth, I don't watch TV or movies, and most of my music is stuff that I've liked for a while, so I have no idea of much of the newer stuff. So, my choices are talk about work (which would make me look like a work-a-holic, and is probably as boring a bat-shit) or roleplaying, and that ain't going to work unless I happen to be talking to another roleplayer (and to be honest, I really don't think I want to have most of the discussion talking about "my character").
I really need to get involved in a socially acceptable hobby that can be used as a topic of conversation. As I get to know someone, I'm better at talking with them, but even so, most of my conversations are limited to work, roleplaying, or other mutual friends. What else can I talk about?
So, does anyone have any suggestions on how to feel comfortable talking to strangers, especially with my limited knowledge base?
I have been on one date in my entire life, and I would not count it as being anything remotely resembling successful.
I was thinking over it, and I realised why I have so much trouble talking to people I don't know. I don't have anything to talk about. While as a geek I tend to know a bit of everything, the only things I can really talk about in any form of depth is work and roleplaying. They are really the only things I have any real familiarity with.
I don't follow any sports, I don't care about celebrities, I read the news but don't look at it in much depth, I don't watch TV or movies, and most of my music is stuff that I've liked for a while, so I have no idea of much of the newer stuff. So, my choices are talk about work (which would make me look like a work-a-holic, and is probably as boring a bat-shit) or roleplaying, and that ain't going to work unless I happen to be talking to another roleplayer (and to be honest, I really don't think I want to have most of the discussion talking about "my character").
I really need to get involved in a socially acceptable hobby that can be used as a topic of conversation. As I get to know someone, I'm better at talking with them, but even so, most of my conversations are limited to work, roleplaying, or other mutual friends. What else can I talk about?
So, does anyone have any suggestions on how to feel comfortable talking to strangers, especially with my limited knowledge base?
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Comments
Ya could always follow my method. Find pervert on internets, discuss perverted and nerdy things, don't bother with anything else.
That said, I'm in the same boat when it comes to conversations. I sometimes wonder why is it that the things I'm interested in are the things that other people don't care about.
I find that I can push a conversation by asking people about themselves, where they work, what hobbies they have, how they spent the weekend/Xmas holidays. It's hard work with some people though. Usually you can follow the thread of what they said, e.g. if they went to the beach, you can say "Was it very hot there?" or "Do you go there often?" or "Did you enjoy it?" and so on. The other advantage of this technique is that you find out about them, which is a topic most people enjoy, and then if you can drag a tiny bit of information that they told you out at your next conversation, they're happy that you care.
Similarly, I can waffle on about how EXCITING my new Chinese classes are, Chinese New Year, my recent gardening efforts, and my thoughts on recent news events.
With a date though, don't you want someone who shares your interests?
Seriously though... There are lots of things that you can talk about that are't roleplaying or work:
Being Owned by Cats
Avenue Q*
Differences between living in Melbourne and Brisbane
How awesome Sim is
Sushi
Hawaiian surfing movies of the 1960s.
*leads into the internet is not only for porn, you know...
Now you gone and poked my curious!
That said being an expert in a subject also means the conversation can get boring quickly unless you are talking to people on the same level of education.
But yeah - the secret to small talk - is be a good listener and ask questions. Be polite, don't make fun of people or be unnecessarily rude, or treat the waiter like crap. Talk about stuff you like and be aware of when you are talking to much. And always be ready to learn about new stuff.
And yes, you can google "interesting question to ask on a date" and the internet will help.
Here's just one.
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/interesting-questions-to-ask.html
Reading all the pages can be your new hobby.
You sort of want a social hobby by the sounds of it, something that you can mention you do, or maybe even meet people through?
Sports? something like rockclimbing maybe rather than competitive team sports?
That said, books/graphic novels you like is a good place to start. If they don't like to read, they are clearly a bad person. :p
Funny stories about pets generally go down well. Or even stories about pets doing things they oughtn't. Some people don't like pet stories, but I don't much care for people who don't like animals which means it's a nice way to filter out who I mightn't like. nb. Too many pet stories is also a bad thing. I once endured three hours of cat stories from a girl I was very much no longer interested in. Especially since she started repeating stories from when she was nine. Keep things recent! And fairly brief!
I read in the free paper that people who go to industry nights are very interesting and that you learn a lot at them. Alas I'm so boring I don't even know what an industry night is, but if you do it might be worth a shot. :)
For some reason I talk a lot at work about cars. I don't know how this even happens, but people seem to appreciate it when I ask questions about how many cylinders they have and what their fuel economy is like. So, based on that, I'm going to second the other people who said that asking questions is good. I've even learned a few things (well, a couple).
Good luck! :)
The point of going out on a date is not to talk about you, its to find out about them. The point of a date is "Do I want to spend more time with this person? Do I want a relationship with this person?"
That is why asking open-ended questions is useful. If you can hit on a topic that they rave about that you find fascinating then you have the basis for a second date.
I find I must like my dates as friends and companions before anything further develops. But that's just me - not indicative of everybody.
Open ended questions and then follow up with bits from your life that are relevant to their answers.
But i'm a student, so maybe it's just interesting to me.